Bared

Simple living matters most to me. Yet, life itself is too complex that even the simplest hopes and wishes of an ordinary farmer are fraught with hardships and obstacles.

I do not belong inside the box because I live unlike other individuals who follow the norms dictated by the times. I exist in the manner I prefer: live and let live.

People, most who personally knew me, knows me and acquainted about me, will not agree that I am the same person in the flesh. Positives or negatives, their notions on how I tick could only be described as clashing. I sow confusion by just being me, in people’s minds, that is. And I never intend it to be so.

When I open my mouth, there’s no denying I can express opinions and viewpoints that most people will adhere to. Or against. What vexes any listener is how I could start talking about an inane topic, for example cheap imported toys, for a few minutes, then all of a sudden I segue to world politics dealing with the international row between nations about disputed islands. I detect the ironies clearly. I like to connect the dots which some people do not even see in the first place.

I can be a pain sometimes, okay, most of the time. My fuzzy way of thinking could never be pigeon-holed into any category. This is why so many people like to paint me as a cuckoo. In all honesty, in my opinion, I think it is a compliment.

Oh, it’s just a small part of me. The rest is as human as any of you.

Spaces

Gaps. Pauses.

Enthusiasm. Deflated.

Concentration. Aimless.

I thought I was ready to continue normal living. Alas, the difficulties cling to me like a malicious virus immune to removal. Perhaps, too soon is not for me. I tried hard to pick up where I left off but it would not work out. It was not me the way it used to be.

Can’t blame you all for your confusion, even disappointment for my online behavior. I suck, big time. There’s no excuse for giving you expectations which I could not exactly provide. I am at my worse, at this point the villain, the character who could not fulfill promises.

I have to stay offline most days to distract my mind from thinking of the would-haves, should-haves, could-haves-been, and all those scenarios that are worthless now. I have to focus on tomorrow yet the present won’t cooperate to subdue the past into becoming a blur for a time, giving me enough respite to see clearly where I am heading,

Inaction. Guilt.

Remorse. Redemption.

Time. Hope.

Lucidity still escapes my train of thoughts. I am not surprised at all.

I want to be back for good but I am still torn between two opposing halves. One is raring to go active surfing while the other half wants to be physically tired each day to force early sleep. During the past months, the latter practically dominated the former.

Nothing.

Something.

Patience.

 

Disoriented

Where was the point where I left off?

Like a program, I have not been updated for some time.

Scattered hints flash inside my head that I was once an enthusiastic blogger, reading innumerable posts with gusto, absorbing information like a sponge retaining water. I knew I was a long-time resident of this hang-out called WordPress, where the ins and outs were somewhat a vague memory today. I am still feeling my way in the dark.

When I saw my email inbox, I concluded that I was away far too long. I admit that the task of just checking them would be time-consuming, let alone read the contents of each notification.

I need time. A lot. I am sure you will extend to me all the leeway and tolerate my tardiness of reacting to your old comments. You are entitled of replies because you shared a moment or two to convey your thoughts. Everyone is greatly appreciated.

I might be too slow to catch up with your recent posts but in time I will see to it that I’ll do. Please wait for my visit.

I am most thankful that I have been, and still is, a part of WordPress’ blogging community. Now I am well aware what the word ‘support’ really means.

A productive day, everyone!

Sorry So

I know most of you do not experience connection headaches. You go online and never see that spinning wheel for a second. Good for you. You do not get stressed the way we do.

Well, modern technology is great, most especially if it’s functioning as promised. But if not, it’s like driving a Formula One race car at 2 miles per hour top speed. I am sure you follow my drift.

Sometimes I feel like going ballistic, zeroing in on my target and detonating a kiloton of complaints. But then, I backtrack, fully knowing that I could not make a dent against the thickened skin of the giant beast, patently deaf and unmoved, sound-proof protected inside its fortified lair.

I was born in the year of the dragon so more often than not I tend to breathe fire when I am incensed with the way I am treated. Ordinary folks like myself do not give me the reason to blow my top. Most of the big and mighty provokes my sense of justice that I wish I could fly and sear them into reaction.

Do I hear chuckles? It’s all right. I am smiling, too. I want to laugh at myself for wasting my time staring at that spinning wheel.

Before I sleep, I could wish for a bolt of lightning to strike the main tower of my tormentor so my suffering would be over.

I guess I have to go.

Be well.

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Thwarted

Almost all my gripes were swept under the rug when the juice was restored..

Still, last night’s momentum halted to a screech, like a high-speed racer suddenly braking, forced to slow down because darkness impeded a safe journey.

Where were they? Ideas that I mulled about never re-materialized in my head. They were most probably lost in the dream world, smothered by a nightmare of reality.

Tell you what, I feel like I suffered amnesia since I published my last post hours ago. I seemed to forget what I wanted to say today. All right, I did forget.

Even the reliable YouTube fillers, my regular standby posts, were nowhere to be found. I could not do wrong for some days. Today, I had eggs all over my face.

Come to think of it, I am writing this just to let you know how helpless I am right now. It’s like thinking in circles. I could imagine myself like a cat chasing its own tail, a zany spectacle for an owner to watch of his/her pet. I feel like a pet, your pet.

I want to get out of the loop. I fell asleep a moment ago listening to the crooning BeeGees in the background. When I woke up, the screen was black, automatically sent to sleep mode like my brain.

I was awake earlier, tried to read blogs to recover my bearings, but to no avail. I dozed off once more, my fingers rested on the keyboard, four of them occupying the letters, F, U, C, and .

Wakey, wakey! Come on eyes! Do yourselves a favor and open up wide.

Anyway, a great night to everyone, in case I was carted off to bed. If you do not hear from me from this moment on, I am a goner. 😀

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Prick

There’s always a reason to leave the air unexpectedly, like a ghost vanishing into thin air without indications of its disappearance.

Take my case for instance. I was totally engrossed blogging that I failed to realize my battery indicator blinked for a long time. It was too late when I found out I would be given no more extension to my quality time. To think that the connection was unusually smooth, then in a few minutes, it could not be fully taken advantage of.

What a life!

We were so blessed. After midnight, we were ushered into complete silence, given the opportunity to sleep soundly while the dark surroundings gratefully welcomed the natural noises till the early morning.

We woke up, expectant that we would begin the weekend without hitches. But, it’s a quiet Saturday to experience, unplugged from the world outside ours, isolated from the worries of people elsewhere.

Some people were too preoccupied how to prepare breakfast. At least the dependable firewood stove was nearby, solving the issue of cooking.

Overall, we love the switch back to the basics. We were grateful to be given the opportunity to ponder what was wrong with us, being too dependent on modern appliances and why we were selected for the honor to have an electricity-absent morning.

More than thirteen hours of savings from our bills. Hurrah!

P.S. If this post sounds sarcastic, so be it.

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Different

Did I sound angry yesterday?

Not today. (I am catching up on my reading.)

I am here, at least as long as the connection holds. 🙂

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